Joke

[TheStig]

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had a responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning,
gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.
So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.

The Redneck simply replied, "Theys lookin' to get married, and if n your inclined' aa cud arrange it fur yu"
you just pick the one you want an aal git the thang goin."

The man dated the first daughter.
The next day the Redneck asked for the man's opinion.

"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."

The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.

"Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."

The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl
to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,

"She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.
When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was
the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the Redneck...
"She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...
pregnant when you met her."

 

[Biggs]

 

Nice one mate

[Chelmsford_yid]

I like it. 

[OL'BOLTY]

Man walks into bedroom carrying sheep
Says "This is the pig I F*** when you've got a headache"
Wife says sneeringly "I think you'll find that's a sheep"
Man says "I think you'll find I was talking to the Sheep"




*Gets coat....

[samuiloafer]

2 couples on holiday,husbands Tom and Dan decide to try to get their wives to wife swop, amazingly they agree, but Tom knows his wife is on her time of the month, so he has got one up on Dan.They agree that in the morning at breakfast they will tap the spoon on the table however many times they shagged the oters missis. next morning at breakfast Tom grins smugly at Dan and taps on the table twice,Dan smiles back and taps once on the jam pot then twice on the nutella

[Chelmsford_yid]

Good 1 lads.

[aspursfan]

Man walks into bedroom carrying sheep
Says "This is the pig I F*** when you've got a headache"
Wife says sneeringly "I think you'll find that's a sheep"
Man says "I think you'll find I was talking to the Sheep"




*Gets coat....

 

[ugs]

Rock Hudson, John Wayne and Marilyn Monroe all sitting on a cloud in heaven having a chat, and Rock Hudson says to the other two
"If you could go back to Earth and live your life again who would you choose to be ?"
 
That's easy says John Wayne "Clint Eastwood"
"Why", ask the others
"Well", says John Wayne,"He's a successful Actor and Director, he's won Oscars. he's got loads of money and he's even the Mayor of his town"
 
Marilyn Monroe says "I'd like to be Madonna, She can Sing, Dance and Act, she has loads of money and eveyone loves her !!!"
 
They both look at Rock Hudson and say "Who would you come back as ?"
"Manuel Almunia"
"Who?" they both ask
"Manuel Almunia the Woolwich Wanderers Goalkeeper"
"But Why" they both ask
"Well", says Rock Hudson
"He's got 10 arseholes in front of him, 60,000 pricks behind him and he still can't catch anthing!!!!!!!!"
 

[Derry-Yid]

I raised the fire alarm in work yesterday.....the midgets were furious!