I'll answer my own question then about JD's Premier League productivity:
Defoe --> 2 Goals / 2 Assists in 15 appearances (12 Starts / 3 Sub) -- admittedly not as bad as I thought
Crouch --> 2 Goals / 7 Assists in 26 appearances (15 Starts / 11 Sub)
Pav --> 7 Goals / 2 Assists in 22 appearances (12 Starts / 10 Sub)
Vaart --> 10 Goals / 6 Assists in 20 appearances (20 Starts)
Crouch has actually been more ineffective as a goalscorer than Defoe in the Premier League but he has helped to create chances (almost entirely for Rafa), and he has scored important goals in the Champions League. The thing that jumps out at me, though, is the fact that van der Vaart has only played 5 more games than Defoe but has 8 more goals.
Yesterday, really bothered me because it was a must-win game and Defoe was given a golden opportunity to get us those three points. As pointed out in another thread we set a league record yesterday with 33 attempts on goal without a score -- and unfortunately Defoe was the trigger man on the majority of those attempts. Couple that with his recent comments to the press and the obvious goal celebration in wait that never happened....Let's just say it wasn't a career highlight for Mr. Defoe.
On top of that, the guy is one of my favorite players. I really wanted him to do well and he let me down. I've said it over and over again. No he's not to blame for an entire season, but our strikers have been a serious issue (obviously) and he's our best guy. So what does that say? I think my feelings are entirely valid.
Having said all that, I feel like a little bit of a douche because the man lost a grandparent over the weekend -- so my heart goes out to him and his family. For what it's worth, my wife lost a grandparent last night too. That's the truth.
No need for the personal stuff as a means to defend your perspective Gareth. I am choosing the Ignore button from here on out, however.