Its just been confirmed that Lionel Messi is on his way to Spurs after he brought out his own contract at FC Barcelona in order that he could play for us, further more he is taking a massive cut in pay and will only be on 90k per week.
Reliable sources state the reason for this shocking transfer is that Messi lost 3 games of Rock, Paper, Scissors with Lamela and as such had to honor the terms of the gamble. Should Lamela have lost he would have had to give up his Chaz and Dave's greatest hits CD!
This world breaking news is from a dam reliable source, my mate, who has a mate who drinks in the rose and crown, well he who knows the chap that is the second cousin of the woman who's sons football coach is best friends with the brother that is mates with the chap that is shagging the sister who's brother is the cousin of the dad of the lad who sells the programs outside WHL.